Hang in There, Honduras!

Hats off to the small country of Honduras for sticking to their guns in the face of extraordinary controversy. The backlash from the world has been tremendous but the Honduran government has remained stoic. Talk about your peer pressure! This takes it to a whole new level. It seems the world is trying to force the country of Honduras to reinstate their ousted president. He was removed from office and escorted out of the country for attempting to have an unauthorized vote on a referendum to change the Honduran Constitution, which would allow him to stay in office beyond his legal term limit decreed within that constitution. In the articles of the constitution, it also plainly states that his "intentions" will also be grounds for immediate removal from office. When someone takes over the government of a country, or tries, it's called a coup. How is this any different? Zelaya attempted a coup of the Honduran government by trying to circumvent the law and his country's constitution and was immediately from the office of the presidency. The Honduran Supreme Court ruled according to the articles of their constitution and the Honduran military carried out the orders as stated. That should have been the end of the story. So why is the world so dead set against this one small country for only doing what their constitution was designed by the people to do? My personal opinion: This scares the living daylights out of the leaders of the free world because any one of them could be next. When one tiny country is determined to live by the rules of law they created, just imagine what a bigger country could accomplish if they set their minds to it and took back the country from the usurpers and moneylenders. Now there's a thought!

Michael Jackson: A Love/Hate Relationship

Michael Jackson like Elvis Presley is a name known around the world. I believe everyone has at least heard of him and formed an opinion. You either love him or hate him. There doesn't seem to be much middle ground where he's concerned. Right now, you can't turn on the TV or radio, read a newspaper or magazine and not see his face or hear his music. Sadly this global pop icon died suddenly and unexpectedly last week and that's the why we're being inundated with everything Michael Jackson.

I'm an MJ fan and have been a fan my whole life. He was only 4 years older than me, after all; so, we sort of grew up together. His music always made me feel. Ben was one of those sweet songs that made you believe you had a true friend through thick and thin. It was years before I knew "Ben" was a rat. I'll Be There was another song that made you feel like you weren't alone. Songs like Beat It and Man in the Mirror helped form my social consciousness. And sometimes, his music just made me happy - Rockin' Robin, Enjoy Yourself and Shake Your Body (Down to the Ground) come to mind. Yes, some of them were recorded as part of the Jackson 5 but it was Michael's voice that gave them life. His Thriller album, which I own on vinyl by the way, changed everything the minute MTV started playing those music videos. Who could forget the first time they saw the Thriller video on MTV? And what girl didn't want to be a PYT?

It hasn't always been politically correct to admit liking Michael Jackson. His troubles with the law, including accusations of being a pedophile, and a general descent into weirdness have kept many from admitting to being a fan. It's amazing to me how being an MJ fan commits one to condoning sexual abuse of a child. I've never understood the logic of that thought process but there are millions out there that make that intellectual leap of logic every day. As far as I know, Michael Jackson was never convicted in a court of law. I was not at any court proceeding nor was I privvy to any of the court documents. I cannot make an informed judgement without having the facts. Yet, people the world over have judged and condemned him in the court of public opinion daily. Some day we'll all know the truth, whatever it may be, but until then, we need to rediscover the American adage of 'innocent until proven guilty' instead of the French rule of 'guilty until proven innocent.'

Whether or not Michael is/was guilty does not change or detract from the immense talent of the man. MJ has left his mark on the world and I, for one, am glad that I got to experience that incredible talent when his star shone brightest.

A Test of Faith

Ryan has been sick off and on for months with what appeared to be a cold, or possibly the flu, that he just couldn't seem to shake off. I've talked to him several times since Christmas - he was here and sick then, too - and he's been hoarse sounding on multiple occasions. He's often tired and sleeps a lot. He's thin because he can't ever seem to gain any weight even though he eats like a horse. Ryan is my son; he's 19 years old and going to college at the University of North Texas. He's so young and like all young men in college and away from home for the first time, he stays up too late hanging out with his friends, drinking and smoking; he's too young to have to worry about his health. Ryan was recently diagnosed with Generalized Lymphadenopathy, which is swollen lymph nodes in two or more areas. It sounds ominous and it can be extremely bad but it doesn't have to be fatal. Various causes range from Hodgkin's Disease to leukemia to lymphoma and TB to Mono to Hyperthyroidism. Ryan is going to have a biopsy Monday afternoon. I'm not sure how long it will take the results to come back but I believe they will find the cause to be Mono, or possibly hyperthyroidism. I have faith that Ryan will have something benign and treatable.

We've prayed for him and his Grandpa George has claimed a healing on Ryan's behalf. If I hadn't spent years growing up around my Cherokee grandmother, the claiming of a healing might seem like hocus pocus but I've seen her do some wondrous things that just can't be explained. So, to me, claiming a healing doesn't sound any more unusual or different than asking a friend to lend a hand with a task; and I suppose, in a sense, it isn't any different.

My son claims to be an atheist according to his religion preference on his MySpace page. I wonder if that will change and if it does, will it be a lasting change. I don't preach religion to my kids, in case you're wondering. They've made their own choices, based on what they've learned, for themselves. My daughter, Erin, is a believer and has gone to church regularly in the past. I think Ryan's choice has more to do with his father than anything else. His dad was agnostic when we were married but he's gone completely atheist since that time. I could be wrong, too. We've never really discussed it but I have a feeling we will in the near future.

Please pray for Ryan and for me. Pray that his test results are clean and pray for me to have the courage to face whatever happens next. Thank you.

A Day for Reflection

Rain drips from the eaves while birds flit from limb to limb and the cat watches with coiled intensity. How is it that we can observe the world around us and be so blind to it at the same time? We look at the lives of others and know exactly what's wrong and usually don't hesitate to tell them about it. It's when we look closely at our own lives that we tend to shy away from the harsh truths. We can't withstand those deeper delvings into all the flotsam and jetsam that passes for thoughts and emotions. The real guts of us that we try to hide when we think someone's looking. The stuff we drag out in the middle of the night as we're falling asleep and poke at with a sharp stick to see if it's going to hurt us in the dark. Well, guess what - it BITES.

Epiphany: My life is filled with small, meaningless pursuits that keep me entertained so I don't notice the emptiness. During a conversation recently, I stated that "I have no joy in my life. I have moments of happiness but I'm discontented and restless." My discussion partner concluded that my joyless life needed God to make everything better. God...what does that mean - I need God in my life to give me joy?

My initial reaction to this pronouncement was disturbing. Immediate denial; later, I examined that denial to find the truth of it. Religion makes me cringe; I can't abide most of the trappings of organized religion. I believe in a Supreme Being whether that being is called God, Allah or Ra; I don't believe it matters because they're all connected - one and the same. Every culture around the world has at least one Supreme Being and some have more than one. The Mayans had many Gods and Kukulcan, the feathered serpent, has been tied to Atlantis's Tehuti, Egypt's Thoth, Sumer's Enki and Peru's Quetzalcoatl. I don't believe in coincidence either. Our cultures define for us by what name we call our god.

Religious ceremony and rites also give me pause. Sacrificing virgins? Goats and chickens? Blood and life sacrifices are beyond my comprehension because I don't truly understand the purpose of them. I suppose if I knew what lay beyond the death of the physical body I might understand it. A release of the spirit into the next world, that I get. I have many thoughts on this but that's for another time. Meditation and prayer makes sense to me. Clearing the mind allows for peace and calm to enter the body, driving away the stress, and opening the mind to greater possibilities within ourselves. Prayer has many functions: to say thanks, to ask for help, to praise, to ask forgiveness. Preaching bothers me, especially the old-fashioned hellfire and damnation sermons. Old Testament preachers (southern Baptist, revival tent preachers from my childhood come to mind) stand at their pulpits, thumping their Bibles, shouting about sinners and point accusing fingers at the congregation. Are you going to HELL?! they shout. New Testament preachers teach their followers the lessons of Jesus during his time on earth before he sacrificed himself for us sinners. Another sacrifice and more blood. Reconciling the two halves of the Bible has always been a problem for me. Suffice it to say, that I'm a believer in the teachings of love and forgiveness without judgment. To me, love and forgiveness without judgment means there is hope - hope for a better tomorrow, a better world, a better afterlife.

Years ago, I rejected the pissed off God for a loving God that forgives sinners like me. So few people are able to lead lives without sin of some kind. In fact, I don't know anyone that doesn't sin, one way or another. We are doomed to failure from the day we're born as humans. Human nature, in and of itself, presents a daily struggle to suppress our baser instincts in order to attain a more God-like spirit. Mostly, we fail at this. We lust and envy; we are prideful and wrathful. The best we can hope for is to be forgiven for our faults and allowed to pass into a better world. If it were otherwise, I'd have thrown in the towel long ago.

Now all that brings me back to my current situation. My simple mind took that statement about needing God and created a formula that gave me an answer I could accept without reservation. For many years, I've equated God with love. So, God is Love. God = Love. Ah ha! I'm missing Love from my life. If I had love in my life, I would find my joy again because love is about sharing and there is no joy if there's no one to share my life.

Damn, I wish it would quit raining. All this introspection depresses me.

One Week at a Time

We made it another week. Maybe that's all we can do right now and if so, then so be it. Now the goal is to keep the doors open till next Friday. One week at a time.

I'm still sort of shell-shocked at how things have been going. And it's not just us. The "big" companies are having their own problems and when things go bad for them, it affects us as well. Recently, AMD had some issues come to light when the Sheriff's office sent deputies out to enforce a lock-out of the employees due to non-payment of property taxes. It cost AMD $8.8 million to get those doors open and people back to work. Of course in the last two weeks, AMD also announced a layoff of 35% of its Austin workforce; that's 1200 employees locally. I'm notoriously bad at math but my numbers say 420 people lost their jobs. And that's not all, when vendors submitted invoices for payment on open purchase orders, those vendors were informed the POs had been closed out. Now follow me here - Imagine you're a small company and your largest customer is AMD and they've just informed you that they aren't going to pay their bills. What? They owe you thousands of dollars! You can't pay your vendors who are also clamoring for their money; the bank wants payment for the line of credit they extended to you a couple of months ago when AMD refused to pay any invoices during December; and aside from all of that, you have your own bills to pay, which are already late, and your employees know that getting a paycheck might not happen this week or even this month. How do you not lose hope that everything will work out? How do you keep from throwing in the towel and saying "I give up"? Coming from someone who's watching all this from the playing field, my answer is simple: I don't have a clue but as long as the door's open and the lights are on, we'll be there - one week at a time.

NOTE: We are NOT the small company mentioned above but we know them and know all this to be true.